Two sides, divided by yellow, twice and solidly.
The road I travel on is something I never fully understand. It beckons me time and time again for a treasure chest that doesn't await. These waking hours I should be sleeping, but couldn't be anyway, are the times I wonder what it's all for.
No, I am not wondering about life. Not in the colloquial sense, either, though it is certainly a theme that can be drawn back to relate to just about anything.
I wonder about people, these people I spend time with. Am I doing the right thing? I feel like people have misconceptions about what and who I am. One of the worst aspects of this is that it is perpetuated by my going along with it. Like everyone else, I live in a world between what I share with others and what they perceive me to be. If nothing is really real, then I should feel fine with this, but I don't. The tidewaters of the waning interest in the things about me they concoct or misinterpreted or even misrepresented pull strongly out and push back in. Only lately it seems they aren't pushing back in as much.
There is the love affairs. The people I'm attracted to, both men and women. When I refer to this attraction, don't think in sexual terms, though it would apply should you need or want it to. I see these personalities that catch my eye. I don't want to be like them. I want to understand how they came to be and if they're fulfilled. I grow each day into a void I carved out for myself.
Certainly the people of my life care and wonder about me as I do them. It's just that on the roads I travel, no one ever keeps up. The thoughts that venture through it all are fleeting at best. When I'm with someone, there is certainly an apex to each and every conversation and I'm definitely designed for understeer than oversteer in this handling test.
No one wants to think of their self as being like an appliance, but it is a considerable metaphor for a lot of people today. I spend a lot of time wondering about how fulfilled I would be in other professions. If I were a writer I could spend my days being expressive and have an audience that appreciated me. Yeah, right. If I were a student again my MBA would be right around the corner and I'd be on the road to financial solidity. Yeah, right.
The truth is that on the road of life you are divided by yellow twice and solidly. At times, however, you also get the ability to pass or cross lanes in the road. I'm beginning to build up enough courage and come to the massive realization that I need to jump at the next time I hit a passing lane and row through my gears like I've never rowed before. Perhaps then and only then will I have to adapt to oversteer and truly finally fill that innate void left by seemingly everything.
